The First for a Long While

His lips were plumpier than I imagined. And to my good surprise, his mouth doesn't taste like cigarette.

Instead, it was intoxicating, welcoming, somewhat sweet.

I haven't kissed someone for so long, I forgot how the electricity would travel through your veins.

My heart was jumping out of its restrains and I craved for more.

I wanted to taste him more.

I want him to swallow me whole

Touching someone's hair that's not yours was odd.

You always kept your short, even though you knew I liked it when you grew it out.

Touching his cheeks was weird.

I hesitated before brushing it gently, I never did that with you. I wonder why.

Touching his hands was unusual.

They were cold, probably because of the weather, it was pretty windy.

Tracing his palms were like figuring out a new route. An uncharted territory.

I don't feel guilty although I thought I would.

It's all new and good for me.

I just didn't realize it's been this long since I've been with anyone that's not you.

You were familiar.

Tenggelam

Terkadang datangnya seperti buih-buih

yang menjilat jari kaki,

perlahan tapi pasti

secara lamban menyelimuti

Namun

sering kali datangnya seperti amuk ombak

saat pasang,

bising,

dan menelanmu secara utuh

Tak apa jika kau singgah sementara,

datang tanpa diundang dan pergi begitu saja

Tak peduli jika obrolan kita kini ada batasnya

Sentuhan, bisikan, dan tatapan mata

berganti jadi doa sunyi tanpa nama

Yang lama sudah berlalu dan yang baru tiba

Tak peduli jika cintaku tak dapat tumbuh subur saat matahari berjaga,

ia masih mampu hidup tanpa cahaya

Jalan kita bercabang, sayang,

tujuan yang kita tempuh tak sama


Doa kita bertentangan, sayang

memohon untuk dua masa depan yang beda


Kepada Tuhan yang sama,

doa kita tak satu suara

"Tolong persatukan, Tuhan. Jangan ceraikan!"

"Tolong pisahkan, Tuhan. Aku tak tahan!"


Bagaimana bisa?

Sudah terlambat untuk pura-pura sepakat

Dilahap

Cemburuku merah menyala menelan kegelapan

Melahap tanpa jeda,

hening tak kunjung hinggap

Cemburuku gemuruh hujan di atap,

mengguyur dan menampar dengan kasar

Cemburuku menyantap tuannya,

ia menang tanpa usaha

Di tengah kesibukan yang menumpuk perlahan, menghalangi pandangan

Di antara sesaknya napas, berdesak dengan mereka yang bergegas pulang

Di sela-sela keluhan yang tak menemukan titik

Di antara hati-hati remuk dan mata yang melawan kantuk

Di tengah kebersamaan singkat yang semakin jarang

Di balik semua amarah dan cacian yang kita tahan

Di waktu topeng kita retak dan tak mampu bersandiwara


Aku masih ingin memelukmu erat

Karena di antara amuk amarah yang bergejolak,

rinduku berdiri tegak

Pelukmu tak alpa,

menerima maafku tanpa syarat